Dear mums....

we need to have an honest conversation about self-care, because the guilt is real, and it's stopping you from taking care of yourself.

I see it in my practice constantly. Mums who book appointments, then cancel because a child is sick, because of school productions. Mums who apologise for taking time for themselves. Mums who carry chronic pain because everyone else's needs come first. Mums who genuinely believe that 20 minutes for yoga is selfish.

Let me be very clear: taking care of your body isn't selfish. It's essential.

The Impossible Standard

Modern motherhood comes with an impossible standard: be everything to everyone, make it look effortless, and never, ever prioritise yourself. We see it all the time on our social media and at the school gate. Put your child's needs first (obviously), support your partner, be amazing at work, run the household, manage diaries, volunteer at the PTA and be calm and composed.

And if you dare to take time for yourself? Guilt.

"I should be spending this time with the kids." "I should be catching up on work." "I should be doing the laundry." "Everyone else needs me more than I need this."

But here's what that narrative misses: you cannot pour from an empty cup. And you cannot care for everyone else when your body hurts, your energy is depleted, and you're running on fumes and caffeine.

The Physical Reality of Motherhood

Let's talk about what your body goes through:

Pregnancy transforms your entire musculoskeletal system. Your centre of gravity shifts, your pelvis changes, your abdominal muscles separate, your posture adapts to accommodate a growing baby. That's just the pregnancy part.

Birth, is a profound physical event. Your body needs time and support to recover, yet most mums are expected to bounce back immediately.

Then comes the postpartum period: constant feeding (sitting in awkward positions for hours), lifting and carrying a baby who gets heavier every day, bending over cots and changing tables, pushing buggies, loading car seats, and doing all of this while sleep-deprived and still recovering.

Add in returning to work, possibly managing older children, household responsibilities, and the mental load of organising everyone's lives, and it's no wonder so many mums are dealing with:

• Chronic lower back pain

• Neck and shoulder tension

• Wrist pain (from constant lifting and carrying)

• Pelvic floor issues

• Persistent fatigue

• Headaches

These aren't "just part of being a mum." These are signs that your body needs attention.

What Happens When You Ignore Your Needs

When you consistently put yourself last, the impact extends beyond your own wellbeing:

You have less patience with your children because you're uncomfortable and exhausted.

You snap at your partner over small things because you have nothing left to give.

You avoid activities you used to enjoy because your body hurts or you're too tired.

And we are modelling to our children, especially our daughters that our own needs come last.

Eventually, your body will force you to stop. Whether that's a back injury that leaves you unable to lift your child, exhaustion that puts you in bed for days, or illness from a depleted immune system, ignoring your needs has consequences.

Reframing Self-Care

Self-care isn't all bubble baths and face masks. Self-care is ensuring your body can function well enough to do what you need and want to do.

It's attending that chiropractic appointment so you can lift your toddler without pain.

It's taking 20 minutes for yoga so you have the energy to play with your children later.

It's addressing your sleep issues so you can be more present during the day.

It's moving your body so you can manage stress better and be more patient.

Self-care isn't selfish. It's the foundation that allows you to be the mum, partner, employee, successful business woman you want to be.

What Mums Actually Need

In my work with mums, I've learned that what most need isn't an hour-long workout they'll never fit in. It's:

Permission: To prioritise yourself without guilt. To say, "I need this" without apologising.

Realistic practices: Five minutes of stretching while your child watches TV. Breathing exercises while waiting at the school gates. A monthly appointment for body maintenance.

Support: Partners who understand that your wellbeing matters. Being listened to, and not have your aches and pains dismissed as part of being a mum, or part of peri-menopause.

Community: Other mums who understand the struggle and can remind you that you're not alone, you're not failing, and your needs are valid.

Addressing physical issues: Treatment for the actual musculoskeletal problems you're dealing with, not just being told to rest (when??) or do more exercise (with what time and energy??).

The Message I Want Our Children to Receive

When you take care of yourself, here's what your children learn:

That adults have needs too, and that's okay.

That taking care of your body is normal and important.

That love doesn't mean self-sacrifice to the point of depletion.

That it's possible to care for others while also caring for yourself.

This is especially important for your daughters, who are watching how you treat yourself and learning what it means to be a woman, a mother, a person with a body.

Your Invitation

If you've been putting yourself last, carrying pain you've normalised, or feeling guilty about taking time for your own wellbeing, I want you to try something:

This week, do one thing for your body, without apologising, without guilt, without putting everyone else's needs first.

Book that appointment you've been postponing. Take 10 minutes for stretches. Ask your partner to handle bedtime so you can have a bath. Say no to something that will deplete you.

Notice what comes up. Notice the guilt, the resistance, the voice that says you shouldn't. And do it anyway.

Because you deserve to feel good in your body. You deserve to move without pain. You deserve energy and patience and joy. Not because of what you do for everyone else, but simply because you exist.

Your wellbeing matters. Full stop.